Carmen Electra celebrates her birthday in VegasApril 26th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 9 out of 10 (still hot)

Carmen may be 37 years old, but she looks like she's still 20, and this obviously is with a little help from some good plastic surgeons and a few gallons of botox, but hell who cares what it takes to make you into a hot chick, because in the end all that matters is whether you're hot or not and nobody cares how you got there.

Gisele Bundchen at The Rainforest Alliance GalaMay 6th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 6 out of 10 (overrated)

Let me set the record straight once and for all... Gisele Bundchen is not hot. She's average at best. The only reason that I can see why anyone would be attracted to her is because she's tall and has a few heavily airbrushed pictures in a magazine, there's absolutely nothing beautiful about her. With her big chin and even bigger nose I was'nt sure if I was looking at a picture of her or of wrestling great Andre the Giant. There are so many hotter chicks than Gisele and I'm sure Tom Brady will be sharing his bed with lots of them come this NFL season.

Jillian Reynolds at the American Idol Top 13 PartyMarch 5th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 3 out of 10 (more annoying than ever)

Don't you think by this point Jillian has made enough money to get that thing removed from her face? If I was her my only focus in life would be to do whatever it took to get rid of it, I don't care at what cost or how long it would take, just do it, because whatever beauty she once had is gone and all that is left is a mole on her face that is possibly infected with a disease that they have yet to find a cure for.

Megan Corkrey at the American Idol Top 13 PartyMarch 5th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 6 out of 10 (houston, we have a problem)

I've never watched American Idol and don't care about American Idol, but since seeing pictures of Megan I think I'm going to have to start to tune in, but before I get all gushy over this broad we have a problem, and in the words of Paris Hilton it's "HUGE". Remember that shot in the movie Halloween where you think you're looking at an empty room, but then you spot Michael Myers in the corner of the room and it scares the hell out of you, well that's the way I felt when I looked down from her face to her tatoo sleeve on her right arm, but in this case I was more scared of her tatoo sleeve than a masked killer with a butcher knife. My advice would be for Megan to spend whatever money she makes from Idol and get that thing on her arm lasered off, and I don't care if it takes 500 appointments to remove it, just get it done so you'll stop scaring the crap out of me.

Jaime Pressly at her book signingMarch 19th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 8 out of 10 (lost by a nose)

So the question was posed "Is Jaime Pressly still hot?", but I think the question that should be asked is "Was Jaime Pressly ever hot?" and the answer is yes, but just barely. It obvious that she's a good looking woman, but she has a major problem right in the middle of her face... her nose. If she had a better looking nose she would most likely be a 10 instead of just an 8. The problem with her nose is the tip sticks out a bit too far and is wide and it's also kind of bulbous looking, now from what I know about her she was a model since she was 16 and I don't think ever had a nose job, if she has had one it was botched... and botched badly. It's probably too late to get a nose job because it would just be too obvious that she had it done, the best time to do it is when you're just up and coming and not too well known, like Avril Lavigne and Megan Fox, both had nose jobs at the beginning of their careers and nobody really noticed except for me.

Gwyneth Paltrow at LA PremireApril 1st, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 8 out of 10 (still holding up)

I must say that I was shocked when I saw how good Gwyneth is looking these days, and I was even more shocked when I read that she was 37, because she looks more like she's 27. I have never really been a big fan of her look, but she is holding up quite well. Let's be honest, when a woman hits 30 her looks go faster than a line of coke in front of Paris Hilton, but Gwyneth is still holding up. The only problem I have with her is that she has a really long neck, and to be honest, that's gross, if her neck was a bit shorter she would be much hotter, but unfortunatly for her I don't think Doctor 90210 has come up with a procedure yet to reduce neck length, but when he does Gwyneth will be way hotter!

Jenna Fischer at Her 35th Birthday in VegasMarch 28th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 5 out of 10 (older than dirt)

Jenna recently turned 35 and sadly she looks every bit of it. I was a fan of "The Office" when it first started, but stopped watching when Steve Carrell was down to just cameo appearances since he was off making movies, but I always thought Jenna was cute and much younger than 35, but when I saw this picture I was shocked to see a haggard old woman and not the lovable and youthful Pam that I had seen on The Office. She has a cute nose, her looks nice and soft, but she just looks old... really old. I don't think botox would do her any good, I think she just has one of those old looking kinds of faces, kind of like Bea Arthur.

Eliza Dushku at US Weekly EventApril 22nd, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 6 out of 10 (it's over)

First Eliza's TV show was cancelled, and now more bad news... she has officially hit the wall. At one time she was pretty hot, so I'm not really sure what happened... maybe it was the hard partying that she has admitted to over the years or the fact that she's as liked by TV viewers as much as swine flu, but something bad has happened to her.

Kim Kardashian at The Tribeca Film FestivalApril 27th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 10 out of 10 (Smokin' Hot)

If you don't agree with me that Kim is a 10 and one of the most gorgeous women on the planet, well, then you must be a big Maggie Gyllenhall fan or you're somebody who is waiting for a law to get passed in Idaho so you can get married to your life partner. Let me try to break it down for you so you understand just how hot Kim is... if she turned out to be the next Hitler, I would still give her a 10, because she is that hot, plus how hot would a female Hitler be... really hot!

Lindsay Lohan at Sevin Nyne LaunchApril 30th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 9 out of 10 (stunning)

Lindsey Lohan's career is in the toilet and she's pretty much broke and homeless, and I have to confess... I love it! because there's nothing hotter than a desperate, out of work, alcoholic coke head chick who is an attention whore and has a father who was in prison... I love it! and to boot she's one of the hottest chicks in hollywood and she's completely out of control and is up for anything, I mean if it was some plain looking actress like Maggie Gyllenhaal I could care less, but we're talking about one of the hottest chicks on the planet! The only thing I would change about her is her weight, she needs to gain about ten or fifteen pounds, but I can't blame her for being so thin because it's hard to gain weight when you're on a coke binge.

Ivanka Trump at a Spring Pampering PartyMay 6, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 7 out of 10 (cute, but not beautiful)

Ivanka is not a beautiful woman, she's cute, but not beautiful. Her main problem is that she looks too much like her dad, when I look at her it's almost like looking at Donald Trump in a wig and high heels. Besides looking like her dad, one of her other problems is that she has a very puffy face, in fact her head looks like one big puffy pillow that makes me want to take a nap on it. Also, her mouth is very tiny and she had beady eyes. I hear Donald talking all the time about how beautiful his daughter is, I understand that as I would say the same about my daughter, but it's when the media starts talking about how beautiful she is that makes my head start to spin, because all you have to do is look at her and you will see an average looking cute chick, who is nowhere close to being beautiful.

Fergie at a Nordstrom's PromotionMarch 21st, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 5 out of 10 (supermarket mom)

If this is what our country considers a hot chick, then I have no choice but to be considered a traitor, because I have four words for you.. Fergie is not hot. Look, I have seen her music videos where she looks like a model, but that's with the work of good lighting and the right camera angle. What you see in this picture is what the real Fergie looks like, she does not look like a model. She is nothing but an average looking 34 year old woman. Nothing special here folks, and I never, ever want to hear anyone say that Fergie is hot, because she is nowhere close to being there.

Katy Perry at The Grammy AwardsFebruary 8, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 8 out of 10 (she's a cutie!)

There has been much debate about whether Katy Perry is actually that hot, some pictures she looks just average and in others she is hot, but when I ran across this picture my decision on whether she is hot or not had been made, and the answer is... Yes, she is hot... But, just barley. I always thought she looked like that female wrestler Chyna from the WWE, so I was always kinda turned off. But over the past few months I think she has lost some weight and has gotten a bit of a makeover. She has a cute face, but is not beautiful in any sense of the word, she is just a cute chick. My only advice to her would to get her chin made smaller so she doesn't get confused with wrestlers. But overall I am impressed.

Lady GaGa at The Brit AwardsFebruary 18th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 1 out of 10 (she's a man baby!)

The following sentence will never be spoken by a man "Jeez, that Lady GaGa is really hot!" And let me tell you something about this Lady GaGa... she is one of the most hideous celebrities I have ever seen. She is only 23, but yet looks 40. Her problems should be obvious to anyone looking at this picture, but in case you have bad eye sight let me point some her problems out to you. First thing is she is in need of a nose job, that thing is so big it almost covers her whole face. Secondly, her mascara makes her look like a man in drag. and last, but certainly not least, her hair is a complete disaster, lose the bangs and get a better dye job... on the second thought, there's not much point of doing anything until she gets that nose job.

Kaley Cuoco at The Country Music AwardsApril 5th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 3 out of 10 (call the cops!)

I remember watching Kaley on "8 Simple Rules" and thinking that she was smokin' hot! But after seeing this picture I must of been either high at the time or really, really desperate. And I have to say it, because no one else will... she is one ugly girl. I'm thinking at this point even John Ritter's rotting corpse has to look better than this mess. When I first saw this pic I had to do a double take because I was thinking "what is the stay puffed marshmellow man doing at this awards show?" and then I realised it was just Kaley and her puffy face. I'm not sure if she will ever be hot again, but here are some things that might help: 1. lose 20 pounds 2. change your hair color and style 3. fix your eyebrows because they make you look crazy. Unless something drastically changes... Kaley has officialy hit the wall at the age of 23.

Chelsea Handler at The Bravo A-List Awards April 5th, 2009

Bowie's Hotness Scale = 4 out of 10 (yikes!)

Chelsea recently turned 34... WAIT!?!?!?!?!?! She is only 34? when I saw this pic I could have sworn she has to be at least 50, but when I looked at her bio and saw she was born in 1975, my jaw almost broke though the floor. I'm not saying that she is ugly, I'm saying she looks old... really old. I know a lot of people say that she is hot... but that's hot for a comedian, I mean when your competition are Paula Poundstone and Rosie O'Donnell you start to look pretty good. Chelsea is not hot by any means... period.

Hayden Panettiere & Bristol PalinMay 6th, 2009

Hayden: Bowie's Hotness Scale = 8 out of 10 (NICE!)
Bristol: Bowie's Hotness Scale = 6 out of 10 (nothing special)

Hayden needs a nose job, the tip is a bit bulbous and it needs to be a bit thinner at the tip. Her biggest flaw is her height, I mean she has such a pretty face but when you see her standing next to someone she looks like a lollipop kid from the Wizard of Oz. If she could grow about 8 inches she would be a solid 9. And why the hell is she wearing a Don Johnson reject suit from the set of Miami Vice??? If you're a hot chick... then dress like one!!!

Oh, and as for Bristol Palin... if you were wondering if she was going to compete in beauty pageants like her mother... well, the answer is HELL NO! Okay, she is tall (at least compared to our munchkin friend Hayden) but it looks like she inherited her fathers looks and not her mothers:( Her neck is too long and she needs to lose about 25 pounds (yes, it could be the leftover baby weight, unless she has another one in the oven:) She also has what even Jay Leno would call a very large chin.